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Praise Be Our Crab Savior

Praise be, fellow brewers, praise be! The messiah is here, the one true crab has graced us with his thicc behind, let us bath in the glory of the gargantuan decapod!
Commander: Charix, the Raging Isle
Price: $49.88
Decklist

He Is Winning

Blasphemers will tell you white and red are the voltron colors. These heretics bring their offerings of "Swords of Feast and Famines" to false deities, equipping to creatures UNWOTHY of wielding such treasures.
We are here to preach, fellow believer. We are here to spread the true gospel; that our lord Charix has risen from the deep, and in his endless hunger, requires our (and our opponents) steel.
With said equipment, and a small offering of mana as we prepare our mana base for him with an abundance of islands, he shall personally and individually smite down our foes with a single graceful claw bash. They shall be saved by his gargantuan booty crushing them into a pulp.

Preparing for His Arrival

Give Him Mana

We must play islands, in honor of his most glorious activated ability.
  • [[Walking Atlas]] is an iconic believer in our crab god. Long before his time of rising, Mr. Atlas was putting lands into play for Meloku, friend to crabs.
  • [[Terrain Generator]] consistently, at a fair price, gets islands out of our hand. Expedition Map likely will find this or its worse brother, Isolated Watchtower.
  • [[Mitotic Manipulation]] digs us 7 deep for an island. What a fair rate for the one true color.
  • [[Retraced Image]] can begin the landfall starting on turn 1. Absolutely the fastest start this deck can manage.

Give Him Weapons

We must suit him up, for he deserves nothing but the finest trinkets our puny hands can craft.
  • [[Lightning Greaves]] protects our lord (should his almighty shell need the extra padding) and much more crucially gives him haste.
  • [[Brass Squire]] has found a new forever home; being squire to the messiah of buts, the lord of cheek clapping.
  • [[Blackblade Reforged]] wasn't printed for some white planeswalker who died fighting a frog dragon, no. It was printed to be wielded by Charix.
  • [[Strata Scythe]] is the tool of ultimate power when held in his pincer embrace. So many islands will come into play, and with the scythe doubles their effectiveness.
  • [[Inquisitor's Flail]] kills the non-believers. 1-2 activations will kill somebody should we open the path for him.
  • [[Grip of Phyresis]] and Carry Away take from the unworthy so they may be suited on to our crab lord. So we all say, click clack, click clack.

Give Him A Path

We must give him evasion, so he may find a way into our hearts and our opponents skulls.
  • [[Writ of Passage]] can be an ability we just have in our hand for our lord. Worst case scenario we can spend a mere 1 mana to enchant him.
  • [[Fleetfeather Sandals]] allow his final ascension to occur. He'll fly over the worshippers of false idols, and crush down on them with the weight of 1,000 dump trucks.
  • [[Engulf the Shore]] is a testament to his thicccccness. We could never hope to have SEVENTEEN islands in play. He shall remain, as it was prophesized. The others shall not.
  • [[Tetsuko Umizawa, Fugitive]] was the first prophet who spoke of his coming. She was a fugitive, an outcast, but now her savior has come, and he is prepared to deliver sweet crabby justice.

All Hail Our Crab Lord

May he bless you with a fat booty and bountiful lunch.
submitted by LicensedMagician to BudgetBrews

DO YOU WANT GAMES FOR YOUR TOASTER? (with links!)

LOOK NO FURTHER!


i am currently on an toaster with the following specs:
os: windows 7 (32 bit btw ;) )
RAM: a whopping 4 GBs
Graphics Card: it's not even Intel HD, it's older :D
Processor: running at a STAGGERING 1.6 GHZ on an Intel processor.
model: freakin DELL LATITUDE

and i am here today, to help YOU!
don't let anybody tell you you can't have fun on a toaster! i have around 50 games installed atm on this beauty, and lemme tell ya, you are NOT limited to games from the 80s-90s.
im here to show you a list of fun games from the 80s-2010s you can run. however keep in mind this is for systems LIKE MINE or higher. if you are running something less then what i have well..i hear Zork is fun. so if that's not an issue, without further ado, let's begin!

Strategy games:

do you like war games? wish you could run Age Of Empires Definitive edition? or Starcraft 2? well..you probably can't. but that doesn't mean you can't have fun! here are several strategy games i recommend with a brief description.
Age Of Empires 1,2,3: the series needs no introduction. you pick an Civ and raise it, you can actually run 3 perfectly fine on an (EXTREMELY) low end system like mine, you shouldn't even have any issues with HD edition except it takes up 5 GBs of space. it ran perfectly fine on here. Age Of Mythology (not extended) works perfectly fine too btw. just don't run definitive edition and you're kosher.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmYlkgPwkhs
Buy it: https://store.steampowered.com/app/221380/Age_of_Empires_II_2013/

Cossacks and American Conquest: same as AOE really, even older. i have NOT attempted to run 2 on here nor 3. but Cossacks + American Conquest work perfectly fine.
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVCFNAT_bmA
store: https://www.gog.com/game/cossacks_anthology
Cultures 1-3 : an old forgotten series where you are given vikings and have to build a village with them in the vein of Settlers.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0_McvZO7Jw
buy it: https://www.gog.com/game/cultures_12

Rise Of Nations: see AOE and this is NOT extended edition btw! this is for the original.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1v8EUIWjf4
buy it: https://www.amazon.com/Rise-Nations-Gold-PC/dp/B0002UEDPG
Warlords Battlecry 3: you have 16 factions, tons of units. it's an age of empires clone but a DAMN good one.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olS5Q2S6_NI
store: https://www.gog.com/game/warlords_battlecry_3
Command And Conquer (up to generals): i got generals to run on a laptop from 2001. nuff said.
gameplay:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBlBvwGcefs
buy it: https://www.origin.com/usa/en-us/store/command-and-conquecommand-and-conquer-the-ultimate-collection
Empire Earth: it's like aoe. i had some issues with 2 but 1 worked perfectly fine.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxATvzQApF4
buy it: https://www.gog.com/game/empire_earth_gold_edition
Heroes Of Might And Magic: 1-5 work perfectly fine with my specs. 5 is really fun, basically you pick a fantasy race and raise an army. im not sure about 6+ but 3 and 5 are considered the best in the series so..
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-TB8h4vU_M
buy it: https://www.gog.com/game/heroes_of_might_and_magic_3_complete_edition (5 is on steam!)
Age Of Wonders: same as HOMM really except it's not on an isometric grid, and you have wizards.
1-2 and Shadow Magic work fine. 3 i have not tried nor will i. i recommend Shadow Magic,
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLZygAz_HpE
buy it: https://www.gog.com/game/age_of_wonders_shadow_magic
Stronghold Crusader: arguably one of the best and most fun RTS games around. you manage an economy and your army during the crusades. as per Firefly games, it has a lot of charm.
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSww4cL1QqI
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/40970/Stronghold_Crusader_HD/
Space Colony: the sims but in space, with pre-generated characters. and aliens. it's really fun and strategic. has a great soundtrack and all the Colonists have a personality of their own. highly recommend. and i ran it on a laptop from 2001 so.. don't worry!
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNNbgNujIf4
buy it: https://www.gog.com/game/space_colony_hd

Adventure Games

A.k.a
point and click goodness
Sam & Max series: you play as an Dog and Homicidal Lagomorph. you solve weird "crimes". the 1st game was made for DOS so you shouldn't have any issues, the Telltale series Seasons 1 & 2 work perfectly fine on my end.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWSUozBdAnA
store: https://store.steampowered.com/sub/7967/ (you can buy them separately as well)
Strongbad's cool game for attractive people: Another Telltale game and one i cannot promote enough, again. ran on a laptop from 2001. very funny and fun game. also be sure to check out the youtube series with Strongbad, Homestar Runner! flash goodness.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSVJDOfM7-c
buy it??: it WAS on GOG. since Telltale is gone now, try Amazon?
The Nancy Drew Series: (with my specs or higher) you should be able to run ALMOST all of them. you might have trouble with the later ones, like Alibi in Ashes or the Greek one. i tested them on a computer fairly similar to mine and had some fps drops. but for the most part you can run 85-90% of them im sure. i could even run the latest (from 2016) on an old windows vista 32 bit 3 GB of RAM pc. it had a dedicated video card but eh, should be fine on an intergrated. i HIGHLY recommend Blackmoor btw.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNxAGfVpo7s
store: https://store.steampowered.com/search/?term=nancy+drew

The Secret Of Monkey Island: 1,2,3: 1 and 2 were remastered and should work fine. 3 is available via GOG with the SCUMM engine added.
gameplay :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycBnTsR9dIE
store: https://www.gog.com/game/the_secret_of_monkey_island_special_edition
Zork: i mean unless you're running an PC from 1981..it should work, bro.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNN4VPlRBJ8
store: https://www.gog.com/game/the_zork_anthology
Dracula Trilogy: These old (?) games basically revolve around you trying to break into Dracula's castle to stop his resurrection or something. i dunno but i know the third game is hard as hell. the puzzes are RIDICULOUS and you end up with a funny bootleg Dracula at the end. really creepy games with tons of puzzles. for a whopping $2 you can buy the trilogy if you're interested.they aren't scary jumpscare games but have a heavy creepy atmosphere.
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl5SrHJlD_E
store: https://www.gog.com/game/dracula_trilogy
Beyond Atlantis: these are old puzzle games from way back in the day, i loved them growing up. they are in the same vein as MYST or RIVEN. really weird too, you time travel to Ireland, China and Mexico via a Tibetan guy. you basically put your soul into another person and it's really weird. just see for yourself. there is also a part where you go into the Mayan underworld and have to talk to a bat. 10/10
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqYci8wLJic
steam: https://www.gog.com/game/atlantis_2_beyond_atlantis
Ben there Dan That & Time Gentleman, Please! : Ok these games lack ANY voice acting at all. You HAVE to read the boxes. But the games are hilarious and full of British humor! the games are a love letter to LucasArts adventure games. they're very short and under $10. I highly recommend them if you love Day Of the Tentacle or Full Throttle type of games.
Gameplay: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0hZDldRHu9E
Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/37400/Time_Gentlemen_Please_and_Ben_There_Dan_That_Special_Edition__Double_Pack/

Oddities

(stuff i have no idea how to classify)
Slayaway Camp: a slider puzzle game where you play as a serial killer. if you lower the graphics and turn off fancy junk, it's VERY playable. also a FREE Friday the 13th version exists.
gameplay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIcwszmfbns
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/530390/Slayaway_Camp/
Alien vs Predator 1 & 2: you play as an Alien..or Predator. or Marine. and you kill..Aliens, Predators..or Marines. MUCH better then the movies! both are quite old, i noticed to get AVP 1 working correctly you have to set compatability to XP. otherwise you'll get fps drops. but works very good! the 2nd game is abandonware as of now, so just download and play for free.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXYIDCfORXI
store: https://www.gog.com/game/aliens_versus_predator_classic_2000
Plague Inc: you make a virus and try to infect the whole world, at first i was worried because it took a few minutes to boot up and kept spinning, but the game is 100% playable. even more so if you turn off fancy effects.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSat_gLDXPc
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/246620/Plague_Inc_Evolved/
Duke Nukem 3D, BLOOD and Shadow Warrior Classic: the classic build engine games. all work fine and run on open GL, i personally like Shadow Warrior Classic:
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFL6rXcSvBE
store: https://www.gog.com/game/shadow_warrior_complete
Sega Bass Fishing: Bass Fishing is a game i used to play on a windows 98, you catch bass. it's really relaxing and fun. 10/10
gameplay:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AXkZq3jfsQ
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/71240/SEGA_Bass_Fishing/

Kitty Powers Matchmaker: a dating game where you pair odd couples, it DOES feature LGBT couples so if you aren't pro LGBT you might want to avoid it! but it's cute charming and a feel good game. trust me, it's a really cute game.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1Uy4J6MlrI
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/285740/Kitty_Powers_Matchmake
The Daily Cthonicle: this game has barely any graphics, it's buggy. but it's really fun! you run a newspaper company that specializes in Paranormal stuff. everything takes place within your office but you send out reporters to investigate stuff. it's cheap and fun. very Lovecrafteque.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41lwTzBeu8E
Store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/490980/Daily_Chthonicle_Editors_Edition/
Swords and Sandals: ok so this is a collection of about 5 games, basically you make a gladiator and then you fight in an arena. they're cheap, they were originally flash games. i recommend 1-3. as 4 didn't work so well on my end. same with Crusader.it is NOT an extremely deep game, but if you're like me and grew up with flash gaming. it's fun.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdE2HoLgQ0U
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1055430/Swords_and_Sandals_Classic_Collection/
Simcity 2000,3000 and 4: i used to run 4 on the laptop from 2001 so it's very low spec, 2000 is a DOS game and 3000 is a windows 98 game. all are amazing however so don't let that discourage you!
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW3IOVLUUeo
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/24780/SimCity_4_Deluxe_Edition/
Tasty Planet: ok this is a REALLY weird game, you know Katamari? the game where you roll around a ball and collect stuff? this is kinda like that. you control a ball of goo. or a cat. and you eat stuff to become bigger. the games are REALLY fun and even the store page pokes fun at system requirements. 3 games in the series all cheap.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAyvIFd0Lgs
steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/687540/Tasty_Planet/
GhostMaster: god i LOVED this game growing up, ok so imagine the sims, but then add GHOSTS. ok MORE ghosts. you control the ghosts via orders (like rattle chains) and have to scare away the sims. but that's not always the goal. sometimes you have to get them to uncover a murder for example. look just buy and play the game, it's freakin amazing and fun. if you love the paranormal and the Sims, you won't be disappointed.
gameplay:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lSn3Ao1ppc
buy it buy it buy it: https://www.gog.com/game/ghost_master
Lakeview Cabin: like horror movies? no? ok nvm then. but if you DO, this game is a parody of popular horror movies. it features 6 movies, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th and Alien among the ones. you play as a person, and you have to kill the killer or survive. it's 2D but full of humor and raunchyness. if you love horror movies, you'll enjoy it.
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEpbFwPGgmI
store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/361990/Lakeview_Cabin_Collection/
Civ 1-4: keep in mind you will CANNOT install many mods for Civ 4 or your RAM will run out. but the base game is perfectly fine! you pick a leader of a civilization e.g Stalin, and you build a city e.g St Petersburg, and you research technologies and build an army to use in Turn based combat and conquer the map. MORE BABA YETU DAMMIT.
gameplay:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k60b1_9LTQk
BABA YETU: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRUnoGmwNCA
store: https://www.gog.com/game/sid_meiers_civilization_iv_the_complete_edition
NeoScavenger: ok so this game on the surface looks like nothing special, but you're WRONG the game has an extremely deep crafting system and health system. It's a 75MB game and it works on pretty much anything, It's a masterpiece that will leave you frustrated and amazed. It's VERY similar to fallout 1&2 . Take a gander:
Gameplay: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YuoR9wJ0M0M
Store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/248860/NEO_Scavenge

RPG

(y'know. make a party or go alone and kill innocent goblins and sell their hide for gold)
Ultima 1-7: let's not add Ultima 8 or 9 even though you can run them, they're garbage. however 1-7 are FANTASTIC games as long as you don't mind the extremely dated graphics. the games run in DOS so..
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHb_oI3lf8g
store: https://www.gog.com/game/ultima_1_2_3
Might And Magic 1-8: these games are old school tile based movement games, but the art styles in them are amazing. World of Xeen is the best. but Mandate Of Heaven is good too.
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_Li7VoBTcg
buy it: https://www.gog.com/game/might_and_magic_6_limited_edition
The Elder Scrolls 2 Daggerfall: why am i talking about this and not Morrowind? because Daggerfall is incredible and everybody needs to know. yes you can run Morrowind. but Daggerfall is a game you can LITERALLY live in, you can own property, the game has thousands of generated towns, thousands of dungeons, also the game is FREE. c'mon,.it's so good.
gameplay:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyXpbK5aPEo
download it: https://elderscrolls.bethesda.net/en/daggerfall
Diablo 1&2: Diablo 1 and 2 are amazing pc games where you pick a class and slay demons. i prefer the original Diablo however. it's so much creepier, takes up less space and is just great imo. but that's my opinion of course. if you want Diablo 2 you're welcome to it. it's fantastic. but hard to find i believe, (unless you buy it physically) keep in mind this game is from 1998, it's clunky as hell but still enjoyable! and oh boy is it tough..
gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl5I5CUTqh4
store: https://www.gog.com/game/diablo
Terraria: is it an RPG? Is it Minecraft 2D? Who knows. Since it has RPG elements, it goes here. It just got a MASSIVE final update and it runs perfectly fine with my specs. It's less then $15 HEAVILY moddable. Grab it. However ignore the Steam page. The system specs are a lie. It runs fine on old PCs!
Gameplay: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cV3Cfed4RBU
Store: https://store.steampowered.com/app/105600/Terraria/

FREE GAMES

so you like free stuff eh?
Toribash: this is a downloadable game where you fight other players via martial arts. you have to watch the gameplay to understand what i mean. it's really odd but funny and enjoyable. keep in mind you WILL have to turn off Bloom and crap when you start it. when you disable all the effects and shadows and junk (you don't need them) it runs perfectly.
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0l9NVcPlDY
download link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/248570/Toribash/
Tales Of Maj'eyal: this is a roguelike, with tile graphics. it's also FREE. the expansion packs cost money but the game itself is free. what's it about? well it's FREE so see for yourself! worked fine on my end, just disable bloom and junk. :)
Gameplay:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUBEOGx24Uk
Download: https://te4.org/
Cataclysm: same as TOME, it's a roguelike except in the zombie apocalypse. it's VERY detailed and complex. like Dwarf Fortress. but it runs on LITERALLY a computer from the 80s (or claims to). it's in ASCII art so you'll want to download a tile set for graphics. but it's also FREE. so whatda got to lose?
Gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql_GFKXdSRA (skip about 30 mins into the video to see gameplay)
download: https://cataclysmdda.org/
have anymore suggestions or questions? advice? write it down below!
also i WILL be adding to this list from time to time! so come back and see if it's updated :)
submitted by iliketolickthebuttah to lowendgaming

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