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1.1 The Gothic Horror Challenge
Gothic Horror refers to a style of writing that is characterized by elements of fear, terror, suspense, mystery, and romanticism. Generally, the focus of its writing tends towards the high emotional effects of these feelings on the individual, family, or secret society, and often narrated by someone who is not the main character.
The main characteristics of Gothic Horror are:
- Death and decay
- Haunted homes, castles, and tombs
- Powerful family curses
- Madness and despair
- Powerful love/romance
- The supernatural and monsters, such as spirits, vampires, and animated constructs
- “The Castle of Otranto” (1764) by Horace Walpole
- “Dracula” (1897) by Bram Stoker
- “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” (1886) by Robert Louis Stevenson
- “The Tell-Tale Heart” (1843) by Edgar Allan Poe
- "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs (1702)
- “Frankenstein; or the Modern Prometheus” (1818) by Mary Shelley
Write a short story in the Gothic Horror, focusing on the dark atmospheric elements to set the scene and tone. Be mindful of the characteristics of Gothic Horror as you begin to write your story. The word count for this story should be no more than 2500.
(*Critiques presented here may be partially incomplete or be a more condensed version of what was originally given to the participants.)
The way you built up your narrative was familiar and easy to follow, and the way you are able to layer your story without making it clunky or dense is truly a talent you possess. Your piece also gives me the “something-weird-is-going-to-happen” feeling and helps to set up the horror of your story. Whoever Jane is, her mysterious presence and unknown origin makes her an effective horror device--a random, unusual person offering a no-strings attached gift? I get a Monkey’s Paw/Needful Things vibe as you establish the well-known “be careful what you wish for” trope. Somehow, while this may not be the most out-of-the-box theme, you present it as fresh and spooky enough to keep the reader’s attention and maintain a strong narrative voice throughout.
Be careful about addressing the reader (breaking the fourth wall). I know that you set it up to be a letter to be read by whoever stumbles upon it, but in most pieces of writing, breaking the fourth wall is a writing taboo, and should only be used for irony and comedy, especially as horror relies on building atmosphere and tension, and breaking the fourth wall relieves all the tension you’ve built.
You sell your piece as quirky, really out-of-the-ahem-litter-box, and frantically told...something I would expect from the point-of-view of a cat. Even though you're not a cat person, I can tell you definitely know their behaviors and mythic lore well enough to know how to write for one.
This story reminds me a lot of "The Tell-Tale Heart". You are able to draw in some suspense surrounding the mystery of what's in the walls, but I think your story could benefit to go a bit deeper. Perhaps you could show how their Human Caretaker doesn't hear the ticking themselves, or maybe Scampers could actually hear the "I'm right here" rather than a sense. Whatever you decide, you have plenty of room to get creepier or darker.
There is something sad about your story, in that this includes an important piece of social history concerning mental illness and the early mistreatment of women. What I like about your story is how poignant it is. I want to be scared of the monster in the painting, but is it truly the thing to be afraid of when men like your character’s husband and Dr. Sanders exist? My initial impression focused on the monster in the painting, but as I came to realize that the monster may not be real at all, I also came to worry for your main character. I think the way you told this story was smart. You let the reader come to their own conclusions and this makes it an effectively uncomfortable piece to read.
Your “something seems off” vibe is immediately effective. For a gothic horror story, this is one of its most important features, which you captured very well. What catches my attention the most however, is the spookiness of Lizzy losing her voice permanently and letting that alone be the center for your horror, as the character struggles to communicate or even scream, as you showed here. The idea of going mute and living in a new, strange environment is a childhood nightmare come to life on the page.
You do a great job in tying together your opening and ending paragraphs, though I’m not certain how the creature being shown in the lightning bore any weight on this story. I sort of got the impression it was meant as an illusion of some sort, like in a children’s cartoon where the lightning flashes cause ordinary things to look like monsters or parts of monsters in the shadows. With that said, the device you are using in your opening paragraph seems a bit misused or overly repetitive. I think the best effect would be to add a break in paragraph every time you use the word
*Flash.*That way, it sets the reader up to expect that something is happening and guiding them down the page. I also think you could remove a Flash or two and still get the effect you’re aiming for, and if you can expand on just a little bit more description in between, then you will be set. The same thing goes for the ending paragraph, but to avoid feeling like it’s the same paragraph as the opening one, you could simplify the ending a bit because the reader will recall its familiarity.
Immediately, you know how to set the vibe for the reader at the get-go. Your writing’s tone is ominous and otherworldly, while drawing the reader in and holding their attention. Overall, while the plot is interesting and well-constructed, I ran into a lot of errors--these mostly due to awkward sentencing throughout the story. Another thing to watch out for while proofreading your story is consistency and ensuring that you’re not confusing the reader. One remarkable strength you seem to have is your description, and you are showing us that we are dealing with werewolves. However, somewhere down the line you called them “vampiric” indicating that they are vampires, even though the previous description says otherwise. I would advise you to not use confusing adjectives; other words like “bloodthirsty” are just as effective in eliciting the murderous image of werewolves eating people, so do be careful with this moving forward.
One tip I can offer you is to read your story out loud to yourself and decide whether the sentence sounds or “feels” awkward, choppy, or long-winded and make adjustments to get that more natural flow.
As far a story and plot elements go, your ending is vague and a little confusing. It appears that Evelyn killed Edwin in the end, only for him to be fine in the next paragraph. If the intention was to convert him into a werewolf, or he somehow cheated death, the intention was lost and appears more confusing rather than interesting, so when you are writing, a good question to ask yourself is “What is it that I want to convey, and how can I write it so that the reader understands?” Otherwise, it comes down to authorial intent versus interpretation, and ultimately, it will be your reader’s interpretation that is going to matter the most.
I want to applaud you for this foray into gothic horror, and even though you mentioned that this is not your usual genre to write, you have written a successful gothic to the point that it looks like you really know what you’re doing. I dare say that this story reminds me a bit of Children of the Corn meets the Dark Brotherhood from The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. It paints itself as very cultish, unusual, and a little filthy. Not only that, your use of description and the way you show its strangeness strikes a satisfying finish, and leaves the reader wondering and wanting for more.
Something that is bothersome to horror writing is to avoid making your characters seem or act surprised such as with “James gasped.” Allow the reader to discover the horror for themselves rather than trying to lead them by their collar to react the same way your character is doing. If anything, simply removing these character reactions will allow your descriptions to flourish and leave your reader more satisfied and less manipulated.
As I was reading, I began noticing some awkward sentencing coming through dialogue interruptions and fragmented sentences, which exponentially increased as I came to the middle. As a tip, during your proofreading and editing, read your sentences and dialogue out loud to yourself and decide if it “feels”natural or awkward and trust that instinct. When you are writing dialogue, the best thing you can do is to allow the character to speak without interjecting adjectives and actions between their sentences, as it can disengage or annoy your reader. The simplicity of “he said” at the end of a piece of dialogue is effective in getting the point across without telling the reader what their tone is supposed to be. Show us more of the tension between your characters and trust your reader to infer what you are intending. One last thing of note is to avoid repeating the same phrases as much as possible.
I couldn’t help myself but draw parallels to The Dark Tower and this story, and landing somewhere between the modern gothic horror and grimdark, which I think really works here. What looks to me is you have a knack for painting a surreal picture and giving very vivid details. Whether it was intentional or not, the image your dark sun evokes is that of a solar eclipse, a cosmic yet natural occurrence set against the unnatural. It was really effective in setting up an appropriate vibe.
SIMONE LE ROUX
My favorite aspect of “The Loveliest Corpse” is your narrator envisioning what her burial would be like, accompanied by romantic dreams of existing in peace, only for her mother to corrupt that peaceful end. The most chilling part of this whole story is the narrator’s seeming innocence, completely unaware of what is really happening--why her mother is gradually getting younger and healthier, and she is getting sicker and older.
Your style for this piece is very fluid and surreal, and with your clever word choice and beautiful description, it really is the cherry on top of what I may consider a near-perfect piece. I would say of all the submissions, yours was the most hair-raising, and the overall dread just seeped from the very first word to the very last.
You immediately hook your reader into the madness that is soon to come, by promptly answering why we should care or be invested to begin with. The theme of grief and desperation to fix those uncomfortable feelings surrounding the death of a loved one come across very obviously, and while reading it, it gave me the impression that you actually had fun writing it. I know this story was in a different form before you had submitted this one and I will say that this change may be an improvement. The plot is largely uncomplicated and flows from start to finish, ending on a chilling cliffhanger and letting us ask “What happens next?” Ultimately, the ending leaves the reader guessing yet satisfied.
I know you mentioned this story gave you nightmares and left you feeling uncomfortable, but I would have liked more savagery from this story and for it to unapologetically go for the throat. The gut-punch you’re aiming for with the sacrifice of Rachel could have had more impact if you had pushed the envelope just a bit more. Don’t be afraid to muck it up and really go there with your stories.
You have a unique set up for your story, told in different sections and you make it work. The idea behind it is very Bride of Frankenstein, with a hint of May and Death Becomes Her, and you offer it from a fresh perspective. While “Seeking the Witch” trope is not the most out-of-the-box, your approach seems to make it more interesting rather than overdone, especially considering the fact that you equate everlasting beauty with immortality.
Your theme about self-love and self-worth is very apparent. Admittedly, at first I wondered where the direction was taking the story, but I was pleasantly surprised by what you did with it and the ending remains impactful to your story’s central themes. I also appreciate the very tongue-in-cheek ending of the line “Can you learn to love me?” It’s unexpectedly humorous and shows that horror doesn’t always need to take itself seriously all the time to be entertaining while simultaneously highlighting an important message.
[CONFESSA]: Based on this week’s critiques, and what was submitted this week for the Gothic Horror challenge prompt, I’ve made my decision.…
You are all...Safe. But may I add: being safe is not where you want to be. Later on in this competition, there will only be those in the Top and those in Danger. And if you’re always safe…well, you may end up getting eliminated sooner rather than later. Still, good work to the four of you.
Simone le Roux…
Dark. Scary. Haunting. All three of you are in the Top. But only one of you stood out as the clear winner this week, and that Winner is…
… SIMONE LE ROUX!
As the Winner this week, you have earned the privilege of: an extra day to write past deadline; the Winner’s Pick of Slasher, Creature Feature, or Dark Fantasy; and the ability to eliminate one of those in Danger.
So, Simone, who will it be?
This week only, nobody will be eliminated! Everyone gets a chance to show that they can take and apply critiques. The three of you get a second chance...don’t take it for granted. You have been placed in the Low category for this week.…
Simone, even though you will not be eliminating anybody today, it doesn't mean that you will go empty-handed.
You have been granted immunity from elimination for next week. If you place in Danger, you will be placed Low* instead.Thank you to the wonderful participants of MurderHaus’s Cycle 1. Without you, MurderHaus would be just an idea.
Okay, Simone, what will be next week’s challenge prompt?
[SIMONE]: Slasher for sure. Oh, this prompt has got me so excited! Thanks for choosing me by the way!
Participants of MurderHaus, if you would like to share what you wrote for the Gothic Horror prompt, please comment below with your Google doc link set to View Only. Please do not directly post to the subreddit.
Supporters of MurderHaus, if you would like to show some love towards your favorite story or stories, upvote their comments, and if you’re feeling especially generous, leave them some feedback!
Next up: 1.2 The Slasher Challenge
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And this is my LoadOrder (which is in the right direction)
Skyrim.esm Update.esm Dawnguard.esm HearthFires.esm Dragonborn.esm Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp MajesticMountains_Landscape.esm ApachiiHairFemales.esm ApachiiHairMales.esm ApachiiHair.esm Apachii_DivineEleganceStore.esm TerrainLodRedone.esp Veydosebrom.esp EnhancedLightsandFX.esp S3DTrees NextGenerationForests.esp S3DLandscapes NextGenerationForests.esp MajesticMountains_Moss.esp Landscape Fixes For Grass Mods.esp Cutting Room Floor.esp SkyUI_SE.esp Obsidian Weathers.esp Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation.esp Hothtrooper44_Armor_Ecksstra.esp CinematicFireFX.esp EmbersHD.esp Landscape Fixes For Grass mods - Cutting Room Floor Locations.esp DeadlySpellImpacts.esp icepenguinworldmapclassic.esp iHUD.esp JKs Skyrim.esp CL BarrelsCratesChests.esp skyforgedWeapons.esp Cloaks&Capes.esp JS Armored Circlets SE.esp KatriaBow.esp KS Hairdo's.esp RaceMenu.esp RaceMenuPlugin.esp XPMSE.esp CBBE.esp RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp AmazingFollowerTweaks.esp Apophysis_DPM_SE.esp HagravenSkinShaders.esp Skysan_Icicle.esp KrittaKittyHorsesForSSE.esp DustEffectsSSE.esp Qw_CloaksAndCapes_CRF Patch.esp FNIS.esp AI Overhaul.esp MajesticMountains.esp HD Lods SSE.esp Landscape For Grass Mods JK'S Skyrim.esp Toccata.esp Apachii_DivineEleganceStore_Patch.esp Immersive Weapons.esp Unique Uniques.esp RoyalDaedric.esp PAN_NPCs.esp Toccata as Elisif.esp TKAA.esp Skysan_ELFX_SMIM_Fix.esp JKs Skyrim_Cutting Room Floor_Patch.esp Qw_S3DTrees_CRF Patch.esp Qw_S3DLandscapes_CRF Patch.esp Bijin_AIO-SV 2018.esp The Ordinary Women.esp Qw_PANNPCs_AIOverhaul_CRF Patch.esp Qw_TheOrdinaryWomen_AIOverhaul_CRF Patch.esp Bijin NPCs.esp Bijin Wives.esp Bijin Warmaidens.esp USSEP-Immersive Weapons Patch.esp Serana.esp Valerica.esp Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp Landscape Fixes For Grass mods - Alternate start Locations.esp RealisticWaterTwo.esp RWT Lod Fix.esp JKs Skyrim_RWT_Patch.esp SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp Bashed Patch, 0.esp